THE BE OF BEING
End of one month. Beginning of another. BE
This past week, I woke up to a thunderstorm stirring in the distance. Typically, when I am woken in the early morning hours, before the sun has peaked, I grab my phone and look at e-mail among other apps that are less vs. more.
This morning, I consciously did not grab my phone. Instead I kept my eyes closed and listened to the beauty of a summer storm rolling through. I listened to the rain drops hitting the window pane, the peace and calm after the clearing, to the silence.
Silence is not something that we lean into. Not the sound of silence, but the feeling of silence. The feeling of not knowing what is going to come next, of absolute calm and peace, of surrender.
In this technology driven world, we are tied to our phones, instant communication, gratification, bus-y-ness. Silence is scary. It removes us from doing and pushes us into being. It takes away all definition. It is bitter, but with enough love is as sweet as honey.
I had a shit day this past week. I had one of those days that spiraled into utter aloneness. I stood there in the middle of a crowd and felt like crumbling. The tears swelled and I had to control them. I wanted to yell ‘why don’t you see me?’ ‘Why don’t you hear me?’ And the mind spiral began and at that moment I craved silence. Sanctuary. I craved the one thing that I have run from far too often – just being and feeling worthy in just being. No dollars attached to it. No words or movement. Just presence.
The quiet. The calm. The beauty of being.
This is one of the hardest journeys. To feel worthy by just being.
With that quote the month:
“Because here's the thing about God and pain: He never plans to leave you just as you are. You're far too precious to him to not upgrade you. .When you know stories about the dark, you become a light to others. You get to show the way. You get to sit on the floor with people or on the other end of the phone, not saying a word because you know words can't change the present pain. You get to help others just be, as you decide to just be with them.” ― Hannah Brencher, Fighting Forward: